Managing The Pain That Hurts Us And What Changes Us

Why don’t we use the pain that certain situations cause us to learn and change? It may be difficult to accept it, but in the end you will see that you will be able to draw something positive even from bad experiences.
Managing the pain that hurts us and what changes us

People don’t come into this world with enough innate ability to handle pain. Although it is something quite common in the circle of every person’s life, no one has provided us with a manual on how to deal with suffering.

Since we are little,  we let off steam with tears,  but as we grow up we begin to be told that we shouldn’t cry, which is something that only weak people do. It is precisely from that moment that we begin to internalize, conceal and hide what we feel instead of managing the pain .

Emotional education  is not something that is taught in school, and our parents are hardly ever good at introducing us to the realm of emotions, managing frustrations, disappointments and disappointments.

It is we who, through our experiences, must learn to survive. Well, there is something we need to be clear about: there are different types of emotional pain. There are those who hurt and those who change to move forward and be stronger.

Learn to accept adversity and manage pain

There are people who refuse to accept and manage pain in any of its forms. Some mask physical pain with analgesics and others escape emotional pain by pretending it does not exist.

  • This is a big mistake. All this pain is a symptom of an internal problem that needs to be known and treated, whether it is a disease, in the case of physical pain, or in the event that you are not dealing with an emotional problem correctly.
  • Nor can we ignore the fact that emotional problems can be somatized and result in physical pain, fatigue or musculoskeletal problems.

How should we face daily adversity?

emotional balance to manage pain

It should not surprise you if we say that it is necessary to  understand and accept as soon as possible that this dimension exists. In fact, since our childhood we should have the following issues very clear: 

  • No matter how hard our fathers, mothers or grandparents try, they will not always be able to take care of us or guarantee us absolute happiness with every step we take.
  • Children need to learn to manage pain and frustration and understand that you can’t always get what you want.
  • If we educate them to be emotionally mature, we will give different strategies to the little ones so that they become able to deal with situations that can cause pain: 
    • With good self-esteem, they will be able to overcome possible criticisms from schoolmates.
    • If they learn to be autonomous, if they strive to achieve their goals, they will know that often, to achieve something, you have to face some suffering.
  • Knowing from childhood and adolescence that adversity can present itself more than we would like, will also make us realize that “these are moments in which we can test ourselves” to demonstrate what we are capable of.

We know that it is not easy to explain to children that life can be very complicated at times. As parents, we wish them the best for them, but we can’t protect them too much or lock them in a bubble either.

First of all, we must offer them an emotional education that fosters their maturity, so that they can better channel their disappointments and know how to let off steam, love each other more and overcome themselves every day in their search for happiness.

Pain is the most severe teacher

suffering and pain

We wish it didn’t exist. We would like to erase pain and suffering from our lives and from the lives of those we love, so that nothing disturbs our balance.

However, there is a reality that we must assume and internalize for our own good.

Life flows and changes. Nothing is stable and we are part of this movement

There are those who say that to know what happiness is, one must first suffer. This is absolutely not true, you don’t have to be so extreme.

People know very well what it means to feel good, to be satisfied, calm and happy. It is a primordial good and we know how to recognize it without any need to see its antagonist face to face.

However, the mistakes we usually make are the following:

  • Thinking that happiness and calm will be there forever. We are not prepared to face losses, illnesses and disappointments.  
  • We forget that life has an innate principle: to move forward. Each step forward leads irremediably to change, both positively and negatively.
  • Each of us is part of this vital movement. It is therefore necessary to face these changes as harmoniously as possible.

If we don’t want to deal with normal things like getting older or if we don’t accept that someone can stop loving us, we will be inexorably  trapped in suffering.

You have to cry and get angry of course. It’s okay to be in a bad mood and feel the pain in all its intensity if something bad happens, but then you just have to accept it.

We must accept every change that the flow of life brings us, and it is not certain that they are all negative. Sometimes even the worst experiences can result in positive events.

There are experiences that will leave their wounds forever, there is no doubt about that. There are some pains that leave no one indifferent, and we cannot help but accept it.

The loss of a loved one, for example, is something very difficult to accept, but you can only survive this absence and learn day after day to move forward in the best possible way.

Well, keep in mind that we have innate strategies to overcome suffering: each of us has a powerful survival instinct and is endowed with RESILIENCE.

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