It doesn’t matter who ended the relationship or if there are still reasons that unite you (for example, children), it is important to make an effort to get along. If this doesn’t seem possible and you ask yourself: “ Why does my ex treat me with contempt?”, You may find the answer in this article.
My ex treats me with contempt, why?
There are several ways to separate or take a break. Unfortunately, they are not always without difficulties and can cause a lot of problems. If you think your ex hates or despises you, you may be right, but it is essential to know the reasons why he or she behaves this way.
Contempt may hide other emotions or feelings that, of course, manifest themselves because we no longer want to be exposed to a person who is no longer part of our life. Among the main reasons why the ex treats badly, we find:
1. My ex treats me with contempt because he is in pain
We are not justifying his actions, but trying to understand why he does it. If, for example, we were the ones responsible for the breakup (or who made the decision), our ex will be very hurt and maybe that’s why he reacts by treating us badly.
According to this study conducted by the National Autonomous University of Mexico, there are different stages of pain after the breakup and which, perhaps, could justify the reason for their resentment towards you.
Of course this attitude does not solve anything, on the contrary it makes the situation worse, but this is how sometimes we try to calm the pain. Just like it happens with a wounded animal that although someone wants to help it, tries in every way to defend itself. So it happens with our ex: with his “hate” he tries to mask how much he suffers.
2. His pride is hurt
Men don’t like being left behind because it undermines their masculinity. It’s a cultural thing and they probably don’t do it on purpose. Maybe our ex treats us badly to preserve his pride and self-esteem… And he doesn’t show what he really feels!
Perhaps, in addition to despising us, he accuses us that the relationship did not work out because of us and not the responsibility of both (because in the couple the commitment is of two people). In this way he avoids feeling “less of a man”, a fact that could find an answer in this study conducted by the Pontifical University of Salamanca (Spain).
3. My ex treats me with contempt because it’s all very recent
We recently left him and it is understandable that he treats us badly! All feelings are on the surface and he can be confused or depressed.
Remember that even if he would like to return to our side, his pride does not allow him; he will never kneel at our feet to ask for forgiveness. Consequently, he will choose to despise us.
Of course, none of this justifies abuse or mistreatment. If our ex is going too far, we may want to decide to step back or make more drastic decisions.
My ex treats me with contempt – how can I avoid it?
As a first step, it is important to identify and understand the reasons for this behavior. He probably doesn’t do it on purpose, and may even regret it when he thinks it coldly. But of course we don’t have to put up with this situation and this treatment.
1. Ignore it
The smartest thing we could do, in this case, is to act as if nothing had happened. In the event of a bad reaction, we may respond with a smile or by looking away.
Let’s not feel called into question by everything he tells us. We do not respond to your attacks, offensive or negative comments. Gradually he will get tired of talking like that and will give up in his attempt to annoy us.
2. Prove that you have overcome it
It is essential that our ex does not know that his comments are having a negative effect on us. We need to show him that we are more emotionally mature and that we need to get over the breakup as soon as possible.
If we ask ourselves about his behavior, we try to do so when we are alone or in the company of family and friends. We do not manifest our pain in his presence. We remember that friends and family are ready to support and comfort us when we find ourselves in difficult situations.
3. We try to make peace
If you have children and it is inevitable to see each other often, a good way to stop treating us badly is to talk about them privately. Children can suffer greatly from a divorce, as this study by the University of Chile explains, and there is no reason to do further damage.
We must tell him that he is not behaving well, ask him why he despises us and try to find the best solution so that at least in front of the children everything seems more harmonious.
This does not mean that we will get back together again, but that it is possible to have a peaceful relationship, at least as long as the children are small and there is no choice but to see each other from time to time.
4. Don’t get obsessed
We must not force things, but let the time pass and not give so much importance to his mistreatment. A despised person can say very painful things, but it depends on us how we react to his words. Let’s focus on something else, don’t think about it all the time, let’s invest our energies on something that’s really worth it. Try to be a positive person, as this will benefit you in every sense, according to this study from the University of Santiago de Chile.
If we give him a place in our minds and hearts, his abuse will have achieved the effect it desires. Don’t give them this satisfaction! At some point we will realize that nothing he says has to do with us, but with him. And let’s not feel guilty – our ex needs to get over the breakup and move on.
5. Let’s not pay him back with the same coin
When he talks rudely to us or makes an unhappy comment, we don’t make the mistake of responding in kind. Let’s not add more wood to the fire, the popular saying goes. It makes no sense to face it, the only people to come out of it defeated would be us.
Our responses can rekindle the embers and spark a great fire, the consequences of which could be devastating. Let’s prove ourselves smarter and don’t let even the ashes of his words remain.
If, however, his attitude should affect us to such an extent that it upsets our daily life and arouses numerous negative emotions in us, it would be advisable to see a specialist or therapist to help us recover our life.
It is not a weakness to go to a psychologist or to resort to alternative therapies. This choice will show how much we care about ourselves and how much we take care of our needs, which are important aspects to be able to heal and get to know each other better.