Our relationship didn’t work out, but that doesn’t stop me from moving forward, even if it hasn’t always been that way. Then and there it seemed to me to sink, to fall into a deep well. Now I know it was just the fruit of my beliefs.
These beliefs whispered to me “you will be alone”, “no one will love you anymore”. Words that I could not manage because they took possession of my mind and there was no way to get them out. I had to think for a long time, get help from a professional, see myself as being complete to understand that our relationship is over, to let you go.
Because even when a story ends, everything continues and I’m certainly not an exception.
Our relationship didn’t work out, but that didn’t stop me
Our relationship didn’t work out and at first I felt that I had to go into a dark and painful abode: the house of mourning.
I had to force myself to overcome each of the phases that make it up. At the beginning I did not stop denying the reality that slapped me every day so that I would accept it once and for all.
One day, exhausted, I indulged in anger and blamed you for everything. I was tired of feeling so bad, it was your fault or at least that was what I thought then. I stopped at this stage longer than was really necessary.
Then sadness invaded me, I realized that I had no other choice: to accept what had happened. But something in me resisted and I tried to negotiate.
I tried to manipulate you, I told you that I could still change, that our story couldn’t end like this, that our relationship didn’t work out but we could still do it.
It was a desperate attempt to keep you close, without you I felt insecure, unable to look ahead. I had also stopped doing the things I liked, without you they had lost their flavor.
Time has passed: now I am happy that you have turned away, that you have not succumbed to my flattery. I had no choice but to accept the terrible reality.
The door of acceptance. The one that allowed me to leave that dark and painful abode in which I wandered and in which I lingered for a long time, because I had decided so.
The time has come when I got tired of everything or, probably, I had no other choice. The alternatives were to continue like this, paralyzed in front of that door or to open it once and for all. I opened it ..
Then I realized that our relationship didn’t work out, but that didn’t mean my life was ending too.
What has the relationship become?
Possession, addiction, yours, mine … Many couple relationships leave something to be desired in terms of this overused word: “love”.
We continue to think that to love means to possess the other, that it is our right. Thus are born jealousies, the desire for control; these wonderful technologies allow us to do it even better.
What time did you connect? What time did you shut down the internet? Why did you ask for that friendship? Were you chatting with her? What were you talking about?
Obsessive thoughts, which drive us crazy and which make us imagine what it could be or what maybe it will be. Let’s not forget the power of self-fulfilling prophecies.
Let’s try to think about our other relationships, with parents, children, friends, siblings… is there a constant?
Don’t we impose ourselves, don’t we hold them back, are we happy when they decide to go, to build their own happiness?
Do we do the same in couple relationships? Maybe not, because we are afraid.
Fear of being alone, fear of abandonment, of never meeting anyone, apprehension about our biological clock… These fears are the result of beliefs that sink our relationships, rather than helping us manage them wisely.
We know what happens when we grab onto something convulsively. In the end, we lose it and relationships are no exception.