When we talk about subtle abuse, we immediately think of the physical or psychological violence that an abuser exerts on his victim. However, there is another type of “subtle” mistreatment that sometimes we are not very aware of and that gradually ends up destroying us inside.
They are veiled attacks that are not normally reacted to because the aggression is not so direct or because at times it may not even be intentionally made to hurt. Despite this, being constant, it destroys self-esteem and self-confidence.
Be careful, because we are not just talking about the subtle mistreatment that partners can inflict: sometimes even family members can do it. We teach you to recognize it and to defend yourself.
How does subtle mistreatment happen?
To understand subtle mistreatment, we give you some examples that you will easily recognize. Think of a little girl who was made to believe she was clumsy from an early age .
Whenever something fell from her hands, her parents pointed it out to her; when he broke an object unintentionally, they justified it because of his “innate clumsiness”.
As he grew older, they pinned this awkwardness of his to the exams he failed, to his inability to have friends. Her parents love her, no doubt, and do not physically mistreat her, this is clear, but during her life they have made her believe that she is an “inept and clumsy” person.
This “subtle” mistreatment has given her great insecurity and low self-esteem.
Let’s take another example. Think of a partner who often uses irony in their everyday life. He often makes joking comments to make others laugh without realizing they hurt the other person.
He never seems to take things seriously and makes fun of everything : about what he does, how he dresses, how he expresses himself … These are small gestures that perhaps he does not do with a bad purpose. However, they cause pain and are therefore a veiled type of mistreatment.
You must know that this type of behavior is very common in today’s reality and it is very difficult to react when faced with it. They are small details that, if done with persistence, end up hurting to the point of leaving completely defenseless. Learn to recognize them.
How to defend yourself from subtle mistreatment?
- You must be aware that words can hurt like a slap. Inner wounds are as painful as a blow.
- It doesn’t matter how harmless the comment is or how innocent the irony is. Do not allow it, give voice to your thoughts by clearly specifying that those words hurt you and that the situation must not repeat itself.
- Set limits in your life, barriers that others must not cross. If a little irony about your person bothers you, don’t let it be done; if something is said about you that does not correspond to reality, defend yourself; when there are people who are always throwing digs at you like that, maybe you have to stay away.
- Toxic people only cause suffering and it is not worth keeping them close if they make you live in insecurity and unhappiness.
- The main problem with subtle mistreatment is that other people don’t realize the impact of their words or actions. What is a joke to them is a clear offense to you. If you don’t react, if you fly over once and the next, there will come a day when the level of mistreatment will be far higher.
Subtle mistreatment can also be perpetrated by parents, siblings, partners or even colleagues – all people who say they love and respect you, but don’t fall into error: it is essential that you always defend your integrity and self-esteem, and that you differentiate what it is. respect for what the offense is.
There are people who think that everyday confidence gives them the freedom to joke, to make fun of and even to disrespect you.
Never allow it. Point out anything that bothers you. Stop people from hurting you, and if your reaction isn’t taken well, don’t worry about it either.
Those who don’t realize they’ve hurt you lack empathy and don’t have the emotional intelligence to build healthy relationships.